So yesterday we had this fight, he called me multiple times and actually begged me to stay, said sorry and asked me to give him another chance at 12am. Its good to know I actually made a small impact on him even though I still think he’s a dick and dont like him 100%. but mehhh .. fuck it
I feel like i’m missing something or someone but I don’t know what or who. I feel like I have this heavy heart feeling, like i’m kind of empty inside and i need some kind of remedy
I keep telling myself that i dont need him, and in reality i dont, i really dont. but something keeps pulling me back into him and every time i say that this time its going to be the last he does something to make me want him even more. He makes me feel like shit and he points out every possible flaw in me and every wrong thing i do and that i’ve done and i get so frustrated about it, but i just cant fucking stop! :( i hate him and im mad at myself. i have no one but myself to blame for letting him in and ruining my life
Do you ever feel like you dont know what you’re doing, what you’re feeling, what’s going on around you, what the hell you’re doing with your life anymore? like you’re numb and your mind is blank and your thoughts are just scattered all around and you just cant make sense anymore. and all of this because of the people around you, and you just feel tired all the time.. like the life is being sucked right out of you. we fight, we make up, we meet, and we barely talk, then we kiss, and we’re not even together anymore, but its like we cant keep our hands off eachother.. we cant resist one another. we need to feel eachother’s body close to us, and we want to taste eachother’s lips. we’re messed up and fucked up, but i just cant let it go.. i want more and more and more. i’m not entirely happy, but it consumes me.
The only good thing i have going on right now is my school and grades.. never thought i’d say that..
I swear i want to kill every single person in my house. I fucking hate them. I hate living in this fucking hell hole. I hate these fucking assholes and i hate my fucking life and i curse the day i got born in this goddamned house with these goddamned people i’m supposed to call my family.
I feel so lonely, sad, angry, depressed, tired. I just want to sleep, be alone, cry my eyeballs out, scream, swear, kick and break stuff. I want to let out all the anger and sadness that’s inside me.
my wish every night before i go to sleep is to not wake up the next day. i cant remember the last time i had a good night sleep without any worries on my mind, i cant remember the last time i was genuinely happy. i just want all of this to end and maybe i can get back on my feet again.